I've had this blog since mid-Senior year of high school. Those were very innocent days. I probably spent three days trying to think of a name that was clever, not too serious, not too cliche. I spent an hour fiddling around with Adobe Illustrator to make the banner with the help of my cousin. I Googled "flour on a board" to get the background. I wrote my first article trying to be witty, clever, and mature enough so as not to come off as a Middle Schooler (because High Schoolers were *way* more mature).
Today, I still like the title. I still want to keep this an all-purpose blog for my needs and occasionally for the purposes of my family who require to know what I'm up to. The banner could use some tweaks, but it's still serving its purpose quite well. The flour background continues to be flour-y. My articles continue to try to be mature (because college students are *way* more mature).
However, some of my other friends have blogs, and they are great! Look at 'em (no seriously, I highly recommend reading them). They look so... what's the word? "mature"? More than once, I would read what they said and see their layout and think Maybe I should spruce up my blog. It looks so... immature. I will say today that my blog does look quite simple and unpleasing to the eye. But who cares?? I made this for a reason and it wasn't for impressing people with looks. I made this for the sake of the material so heck with look. The banner and background could be like a pair of mismatched socks and I would be okay with it... actually, I take that back. I would at least try to make them look like a pair of matched socks for the sake of my own eyes.
The deep thinking articles as of late were "inspired" by the posts that I saw on other blogs, but I think that it was a good thing that I was made to think deeper because of my inferiority complex. I love writing those articles! Anyways, lemme get on my more liberal soapbox and say that I'm not going to be held to the societal construct of growing up. I'm going to have fun as an adult even if it's considered childish. Albeit, I know I won't be able to go in those tubes at Chuck-e-Cheese anymore.
This isn't anything new for the people who know me in person. I make jokes that probably wouldn't be heard in the work setting and do things that I couldn't picture a typical grown man doing so this shouldn't be any sort of surprise. I wrote this article as a declaration of sorts and because I was bored... summer can be really dull sometimes. This is starting to become another long article... we need to break this up.
Again, this is All-Purpose Flour so I require varied content...
HECK, LET'S HAVE A GOOGLE AUTOFILL SESH (just like ol' times and let's throw in some .gifs because those haven't gone outta style have they? meh, doesn't matter. They were never in style. Click on the links if you feel like the .gifs enhance the experience)
For those who haven't stalked this whole blog, here's how it works.
1) I type the beginning of a question into Google Search and answer the Autofill suggestions when I add each letter of the alphabet.
2) I don't know why I decided to explain this in steps.
Today, "why can't..." and we'll take the first entry for each letter of the alphabet. (side note: everyone's autofills will be different because Google knows you on the level of a clingy significant other)
1. Why can't advertisers say super bowl?
Because of the man. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but it's probably a conspiracy... by the man.
2. Why can't Banquo sleep?
He's from a story right? Shakespeare? I feel like I know him from High School. Probably can't sleep cuz he can't remember me either and it's bugging him.
3. Why can't cats eat chocolate?
Because they'll turn into a chocolate labs... I've made worse jokes.
4. Why can't dogs have chocolate?
Are you kidding me?? I've used my chocolate lab joke already.
5. Why can't eggs be comedians?
Because they'd crack the wrong jokes... like me. I'm looking at you #3.
6. Why can't fox say super bowl?
Refer to #1
7. Why can't google be reached?
idk, google it.
8. Why can't humans digest cellulose?
Because we don't possess the enzymes to break the B1-4 linkages in the cellulose polysaccharide to obtain the glucose monomers. I'm preparing for the MCAT this summer. That'd better be right.
9. Why can't I cry?
Because your emotions have no power over you.
10. Why can't Johnny read?
I don't know. I'm going into medicine, not education. Have you tried WebMd?
11. Why can't kdvr say super bowl?
Refer to #6 ... are you disturbed at all that your station said aloud sounds like cadaver?
12. Why can't life be easy?
Because success is just failure that hasn't happened yet.
13. Why can't media say super bowl?
This has to be a conspiracy! Refer to #11
14. Why can't nidoqueen breed?
I'm assuming this is Pokemon? Am I right? Yes! I'm right, and that's enough for now.
15. Why can't ostriches fly?
Because unlike other birds, they didn't skip leg day.
16. Why can't penguins fly?
Because unlike other birds, they didn't skip pool day.
17. Why can't quantum entanglement be used for communication?
Because that science is just too sciencey to be scienced right now
18. Why can't rats vomit?
WHAT? I didn't know that. I clicked on it. It says it's because they have a strong barrier between the stomach and the esophagus and they don't have the muscle coordination to do so. Okay then.
19. Why can't sedimentary rocks be dated?
Because he's just not your type, Janice. Maybe you should try dating a rock that cares more about you... like igneous rock.
20. Why can't this be love?
Because he stood you up twice, Janice. Get over him.
21. Why can't Uranus support life?
I know what you're thinking, and I'm not going there. It's because the planet Uranus is too cold and has poisonous gases like methane... the same gas that comes out of- I'M NOT GOING THERE
22. Why can't Venus support life?
Because Venus is too hot. Like, smoking hot.
23. Why can't we be friends?
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DESERVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU, JANICE.
24. Why can't xbox and ps4 play together?
Because they nintendon't get along... I told you I make worse jokes.
25. Why can't you eat raw eggs?
You can. Just cook them first.
26. Why can't zoom Instagram?
Because Instagram no want zoom. Instagram no go zoom zoom. Instagram slow. Instagram clingy... Instagram like Janice.
Ha! Still got it ;)
Best Wishes!
~Richie